Xena.Shimmera.net - Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned from Xena

Everything I Ever Needed to Know I Learned from Xena

Death is temporary
Blondes do have more fun, and they live longer too
Why be just the sidekick or love interest when you can be both?
All good things come to an end, usually through violent means
Love is something that will get you killed
Making declerations of love will means you'll be killed soon
A hole in the head is better then a hole where your head should be
Never trust gods
Never trust people in leather
Especially, never trust gods in leather
Always tell your current "friend" about past "friends" or at least make sure they are dead and avenged
Vengence is a pain in the ass
Getting killed is a pain in the ass
Beware the Ides of March
A chakram throw with less then 5 bounces is not a chakram throw
A straight path is best, but very fast and very deadly riccochets are a close second
Friends come and go but enemies return from the grave
Always trust your horse
Breastplates can withstand a nuke
The less you wear the more protected you are
Do not feed the bunnies
Do not mock the vicious bunnies
Never eat anything Joxer made
Just because someone wants to kill you doesn't mean they don't love you
In fact, if someone wants to kill you they're probably very much in love with you
Horses love apples
Even ancient greeks had lipstick
And excellent dental care
The best way to kill those you love is to kiss them
If someone looks like a crazed maniac and acts like a crazed maniac they'll probably turn good in the end
Afterlife? Which afterlife?
A good bad-guy is worth ten bad good-guys
Gabrielle is not a sidekick! She is a co-hero
Bad poetry is a terrible weapon of mass destruction
Thirty seconds varies in length
The law of gravity bends, alot
Never insult Gab, New Gab will get very pissy
All gods are crazy
Gods are like spoiled kids with lots of power
TPTB are even crazier and more powerful then the gods
It's her show and she'll do what she wants to...
Everyone has several look-alikes out there who, if not evil, are at least very different from the original
Parents should always outlive their offspring (in the case of Eve and Xena)
Ying-Yangs look good anywhere
Villians come and go, but then they return to annoy you again
Hell hath no fury like Pregnant Xena
You can never have too many alternate universes!
You always kill/scalp/maim the one you love
Do not mock the gods, for they are very prone to anger management problems
They kidnapped Gabrielle AGAIN?!
Crufixes are nice and scary, but big flaming holes to hell are better
You can never have too many outfits ;)
Just because you're a dangerous warlord, doesn't mean you can't be a loving mother
Beware he who wears a red-shirt
Everything can be redeemed
Well, everything but that one thing Salemonious sold you, he's never gonna give you a refund
Always send a woman to do a man's job, they'll do it better, faster, and in half the time
Crazy Maniacs + Godly Powers = RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
You can break the law of gravity, but Murphy's Law still applies
It's a bad sign when your kitchen pots & pans and your armor are indistinguishable
Subtext = Maintext
The Fates make good plot devices
Don't try to mess with Fate, it never works
A bored god is never a good thing
Neither is an amourous god
Everyone writes letters to their best friends and signs them with a kiss. It is not the sign of some sort of relationship.
Everyone also kisses their friends... on the lips.
Duh. (Ok, not exactly a thing I learned, but it just has so many uses.)
Just because someone is blonde doesn't mean they're a ditz. It just means they use hair dye :)
You can never have too many 'likes' in a sentence. (Guess which goddess I, like, learned this from...)
Always side with the person the show is named after, that way you might live through the episode!
Avoid large gaping holes, they always lead to bad places
Especially the ones with pits of fire inside them
Some warlords can kill people with their bad breath alone
Warlords don't have to bathe, I mean they're going to get killed next episode anyways, what's the point?
Always borrow money from people right before a battle. Not only will you be more likely to survive so you can pay it back, but even if you don't it won't matter.
Even the toughest armies in the world fall before the might of Xena
Somehow an entire army can attack a person and still fight them one on one
When you kill the leader of an army the entire army will immediately become a demoralized mass of people who couldn't fight to save their lives
Chakrams are not the best tools for hair-cuts
You could climb your way to the top, or you could just do a 'Incredible Gravity-Defying Xena Flip' to get there
Violence might not be the answer, but it usually gets rid of the question (or at least the person asking the question)
Knocking heads about is a good way to get people to see your point
Variety is the spice of life: One day blonde, next day red-head
Sometimes what drives people evil isn't childhood trauma, but having bad-hair days everyday (Case in point: Evil Xena)
Revenge doesn't make you feel better, but it does get you cool lines ("What a lovely day for a blood-bath")
Don't try to kill the main characters; it doesn't work unless it's the season finale.
Being evil doesn't pay, you either get converted or dead in the end
Anything can be a weapon, especially fish
When in doubt, ask What Would Xena Do?
When looking to cause havoc and destruction ask "What Would EVIL Xena Do?"
Imortality can be boring, so make sure to have some mortals to toy with, they can be quite amusing
Sometimes it's better if villians aren't redeemed. (Watching 'Sweet Angel Callisto' is enough to make me puke)
Rome might not have been built in a day, but it could be destroyed in one!
New Zealand exists (Yep, learned this from Xena, I mean I am American, I barely know where Canada is, and that's pretty good for an American)
New Zealand is GREEN (Ok, that's another one of those trivial bits I bet I'll never need to know, but I certianly learned it from Xena)
No matter what the history books say, Greece and Rome existed at the same time in the same place, afterall, TPTB are always historically accurate
Gods are easy to summon, just yell their name
Or, give birth to a child that is their doom, that certainly gets their attention
What evil goat?
Help yourself because the Greek Gods sure as hell aren't going to help you
All's fair in love and war, but Xena will still come and kick your ass if you don't play by her rules (see #40)
Fortune favors the hero
But the fates also like those who don't ask for pay raises
The producers favor the outcome that causes the maximum angst
Always look on the bright side of Xena (you don't want to look at her dark side, it's scary)
Every chakram has a silver lining
Appearances are deceiving, that's what comes from having three identical twins running around
Playing with fire is extremely fun *and* dangerous, which makes it even more fun!
What plotholes?
If you can't say something witty don't say anything at all
We'll always have the reruns
A half a loaf of nutbread is better than none at all
A horse is a gal's best friend (other than her best friend of course)
An apple is a horse's best friend
You can't eat your nutbread and still have it too
But for awhile you can still *think* you have your nutbread
Vanity, thy name is Aphrodite
A song can solve any problem
It's easy to see when someone's not a virgin, it's stamped on their forehead. (The hickey is a pretty big clue too.)
When playing 20 questions with Xena don't bother asking "Was s/he killed by a certain warrior princess?" The answer is always yes.
Bliss should be kept safely guarded lest he break loose and cause havoc
It's always a good time to eat
Armor is overrated
Ares is overrated
TPTB don't book any truc with plot continuity
These boots really don't go with this skirt!
Short Leather Skirt + Kick-ass Warrior = Good Idea
People in tiny sexy outfits never get hypothermia
Titles are hard, puns make it easier
Never kill just one bad guy when you can kill twenty with the same chakram throw
Programming VCRs is difficult, but Xena is worth it!
Once you chop, you just can't stop
liviechan: if you end up in the xenaverse, avoid Xena and Gabby. Everyone around them suffers and dies, unless they are *really* lucky (and even then they'll still get hurt).
Lil Bit: Life is better with a sidekick (or co-hero), especially if she learns to fight like you do.
Devochka116: Chakrams are the ultimate tools: they slice, dice, and make a mean fish de-scaler and salad tosser!
Monkey: If you must race a chariot on a beach...follow the 4-wheeler tracks in the sand. You know TPTB must have put them there to guide you to victory! :)
Belladonna: Sidekick is secret code for lover.
Beth: When Xena tells you to kill your child 'cause it's evil, listen. It'll work out better for everyone.
Jay: When looking to keep a secret make sure you don't say it in front of others (Xena/Solan's secret).
Unless you're about to kill them.
Brooke: 99.9% of ancient Romans are evil
Xenagrrl: Just because Terri Clark's tall, beautiful, and sing songs that should be in The Bitter Suite doesn't mean she is Xena Warrior Princess (although we'll assume people like that are somehow related to Xena)
Xenagrrl: Just because Gretchen Wilson's first name begins with a G and her hometown Pocahontas begins with a P doesn't mean she is somehow related to Gabrielle and/or is Gabrielle
Katelyn: What I learned from Xena is to fight for what you believe in and never give up.
Sam: No matter how bad the situation you are in, love will always overcome anything.
Anonymous: Friendship is forever.

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